Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Coming Out

I've said more than once that the men's movement needs more female voices if it's going to achieve any sort of mainstream status, voices like Barbara Kay, Erin Pizzey and Christina Hoff Sommers, but for the longest time I've been reluctant to add my own voice in a meaningful way. Anonymity is comfortable. It feels safe.

But words on a blog and on men's forums are too easy to dismiss, especially if there's no face behind them. Part of my credibility derives from the fact that I'm a woman, but like the old man in a chat room pretending to be a teenage girl, when I choose not to show my face, it becomes very easy for people to doubt my identity, and in doing that, dismiss my words.

So. After a great deal of weighing the pros, I've decided to come out. I am girlwriteswhat.

32 comments:

  1. You look GREAT for 40. Wow!

    I can't hear the audio on this computer, I'll listen when I get home.

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  2. Haven't watched the video yet - will shortly - but just wanted to say good on you for doing this.

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  3. I really like what you are doing here. It's nice to have more people writing about men's rights and critiquing feminism who are sophisticated, and who are not traditionalists about gender.

    After I read some more of your archives, I intend on blogging about your perspective. A couple random blogging suggestions:

    1. Turning on the recent comments feature will be very helpful as you accumulate readers, because it will help them find active conversations.

    2. Turning on Name/Url in the commenting options. Then other bloggers can comment with a link to their blogs (which is only possible now if they have a blog hosted on the Wordpress, Typepad, or Livejournal sites... I am stuck linking to my Wordpress placeholder blog, rather than to my own blog).

    Anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing more of your work in the future... Congrats on coming out.

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  4. Great video! It is _so_ important for women concerned about men to speak up about this. And you're right - it is about the little boys (and girls) of tomorrow.

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  5. I can dig it. I'm still working my way through your archives but so far I'm liking what I see.

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  6. It is good that you are showing your face. We need female faces all along the front line, even if that gives the feminists a brain aneurysm.

    I will post this video on my blog, just 'cuz. . .

    . . well, just 'cuz I want to rub your face in feminism's face.

    I'm just evil that way, I reckon! ;~}

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  7. There is only one place for a woman like you. www.avoiceformen.com

    Ok, I'm bias. We throw in a free set of steak knives for new family members.

    Ok, I'm lying. We throw in nothing, but come anyway.

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  8. Hi there!

    Found your blog over at Danny's place and I haven't really read much of it, but so far, I really like what you are doing!

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  9. I know what you mean. The White Civil Rights movement needs more blacks, too.

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  10. Hello. Nice to finally meet you.
    I have been reading your blog thoroughly for two months now.
    I own a blog called ”Blog de reflexie asupra problemelor apăsătoare” (Reflection blog over the pressing problems) in Romanian and I have been translating in the last period some articles regarding MRA issues.
    I was wondering if I could translate some of your articles in order to be easily accesible to men in Romania feeling that something is wrong. Of course I will place a link to the original post and mention your name.

    Please let me know if it is ok with you.

    Greetings from Cluj Napoca, the capital of Translylvania, Romania.

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    1. I actually wonder if you won't have more success there, as Romanian culture did not undergo the same political experiences we did 40, 50 years ago at all, and Romanians are probably very familiar with those who attempt to enforce the same ideology on everybody and recognize bullshit when they see it that way...

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  11. Hi everybody, and thanks for the kind words.

    Except for Anonymous, who I'm sure must have better things to do than pester me, but then again, who knows?

    And Lucian, you may absolutely go ahead and translate any of my posts you like. I'm flattered you would want to. :)

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  12. girlwriteswhat: Feminist bigotery in law and in family courts has begun in Romania since early 2000s but became very abrupt since 2007 when Romania joined the EU.
    There are a lot of people who do not actually like this bullshit and even some of the people in the judiciary system are not so happy with the politically correctnes (read: feminism) in the new Civil Code (which also includes the laws regarding family).

    Although I am an atheist, I must say that the deep Orthodox bigotry in most of the Romanians is very much responsable for the general reluctancy to the feminist propaganda. Though Romania has big problems regarding some theocratic derives of the state in the last 4 years (specially because the church can provide votes for the proper parties in the rural areas), I can not say that I am not glad.

    I have been looking for articles regarding the feminist bullshit but I have found only articles refering to the religion or the ”natural order” or articles defending ”traditional family”, which I also consider to be bullshit.
    Your articles, however, treat the problem from a secular point of view (or at least without a religious bias) and would have greater succes because you are also female so it will make the feminists rising here to shut the fuck up or at least think twice before opening their mouths.

    MRAs in Romania have the chance to completely avoid the huge problems happening in countries like Sweden, UK, US or Canada where feminist bullshit literally conquered the governments.

    Anyway, keep up the good work :) .

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  13. You likely have useful ideas here, but your posts are too long. Keep it pity.

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  14. Please join Crimes Against Fathers

    www.crimesagainstfathers.com

    Please take the time to read a FREE short 100 page book called “Living Free in a Fem-Nazi World”. This book is about freeing you from the fem-nazi, fem-fascist state you live in to live your life as you choose. This book will show you how to no longer be subject to the fem-nazi ‘legislation’ that claims you are a slave with no rights at all.

    After reading this short 100 page book, you will understand how to become completely legally free of the feminist legal system worldwide. That is, no woman will ever be able to persecute you or harm you through false DV charges, false rape accusations, feminist divorce courts, etc. In short, you will indeed be a free man in a world of feminism, free and safe from being harmed by feminism.

    Download the ‘Living Free in a Fem-Nazi World’ eBook for free here:

    http://www.crimesagainstfathers.com/LinkClick.aspx?fileticket=yZdxTPgDMtE%3D&tabid=82&mid=409&forcedownload=true

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  15. I appreciate your work and writing, more than I can tell you. I have been at it in my own way since the late 60's. The problem is there are not enough of you and it is twenty years too late. Once a marriage strike started - I encountered my first marriage striker around 1995 - it's too late.

    The US is financially broke. It's all over. Millions of men don't care any more, and by the time laws could be changed, not that they are likely to be changed, our money will say Allah Akbar, not in God We Trust.

    I suggest if you want to help your sons, travel a lot with them, get them used to foreign places, and start foreign language classes for them, either Chinese or Spanish. The US is so bad for men the only valid choice is to expat.

    I speak with some expertise, I write from rural Mexico.

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    1. while there are laws that need changing, laws won't change the concept of marriage being broken, the concept that both parties are making a commitment to growing alongside and nurturing and caring for each other.

      I've already been thrown away more than once, despite working hard to be a good partner. and in all my relationships the only friction there ever was, was if I asked anything of my partner or voiced feeling not good about something. the only way to maintain a relationship was to simply be an appendage of my partner and quietly respond to her needs--not to mention anticipate them. Even if divorce laws or family court laws change, I would never put myself in that position again--a life of self loathing and being used, always walking on eggshells for that moment when i will be thrown out because i failed in some way. never.

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  16. Interesting blog you have here. I'll have to nose around. I too host a blog and I also blog openly. I'm one of the voices (albeit a tiny one) on the "guy blog" corner of the interwebz.

    Good on you for being so open. I too would much rather see the rift between men and women mended rather than widened.

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  17. I am one of those men who are going there own way. I used to be a lawyer. When I decided to divorce my second wife for being emotionally and physically unavailable, my mother in law filed a bar complaint against me. The mother in law did so because me and my wife did have consensual sex while she was a client. It isn't an excuse but she is the one who asked me out for drinks. And I am too big of a beta to force a woman to do anything. Anyway, I was censured by the State Bar. However, the economic and emotional toll was far greater. I lost everything.

    And now, I just don't feel like participating. I feel like I have had my George Carlin moment. I have divorced my self from society and from women. Society tells me that I have to achieve something, and work to buy a lot of stuff. Women seem genetically or socially inculcated to only marry up which is a fucking idiotic idea now that women have economic and political parity. More women are getting graduate degrees than men. So, if they only marry up, there are ever only going to be slim and slimmer pickings.

    So I just don't care. I don't care if Greece and Italy defaults and take the rest of Europe with them. I don't care about the innocent women and children of Afghanistan. I don't care if I ever own a home or buy a new car. I just don't give a fuck.

    All I want for the rest of my life is for my daughter to be in my life. And in that I have succeeded spectacularly. And for you women who bemoan where are the good men at, tough shit. You are reaping what you have sown. I refuse to work 70 hours a week only to be chastised because I love to look at pretty women and have a libido.

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  18. You've gone quiet. Everything okay?

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  19. Hi Danny. Yeah, I'm okay. Just busy.

    I had a wedding out of town to go to--two days each way on icy roads and in blizzards, but at least the bride was nice enough to get us bridesmaid dresses that can be worn in public, lol--and when I got home my sister had gotten it into her head that the two of us could totally blow insulation in my attic all by ourselves. On the bright side, it went off perfectly, I now have an R50 rating, we got the blower back within four hours (half price!), we're going to get a full rebate from the government, and I'm only a little itchy. :P

    I'm going to try to find a space of quiet and calm to do another video tomorrow. I've been posting on reddit, but I don't need the dog and kids to be quiet in order to do that. :)

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  20. You're on reddit? By chance where do you post?

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  21. r/mensrights, r/masculism, occasionally on r/askfeminists. :)

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  22. Your post here really gets at the root of why trans women are not accepted and trans men accepted. I posited that theory a couple years ago, but couldn't articulate how it worked.

    I knew that trans women were not victims of standard misogyny if they were known to be trans. It was punishment for failing to add value and 'pretending to have some', not punishment for wanting to "degrade themselves" by adopting female accoutrements.

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  23. I hope it also means giving credit and praise where it's due?

    I posted the following message on your YouTube but I'm posting it again to make sure you get it. :)

    "Just watched your whole suite of videos and I have to say I'm stunned. Empathy, mercy and justice drips from every sentence. What you're doing here is weaving an angels thread, a heavenly lifeline to men who are drowning in the sea of misandry. I'll be following your work closely and casting links about far and wide. Please keep posting these gorgeous vids and do tell the men of the world how we can help and sustain you. The words 'a breath of fresh air' had no meaning prior to this day."

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  24. girlwriteswhat:

    I watched your video and found it worth watching. I guess the highest compliment I can pay is, "I respect what you said - minus expletives." Your honesty is refreshing and commendable. Here's my site. manamongoaks.com I built it last year after taking a course in web design, but haven't even had time to check my site email. Take care and thank you for speaking up.

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  25. Thank you so much for saying what you said... I am one of those guys that opted out, I see the writing on the wall and I just want out of the system.. to go my own way, define myself as I see fit with no apology or permissions.

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  26. Have you seen this yet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5OdQGbVNa4

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  27. Thank you for doing this. And I hope you continue. Like it or not, human biology drives a great deal of perception. One of the greatest weapons men have is women who have managed, for whatever reason, to overcome hypergamy and social conditioning and step forward with a clear voice that addresses these issues fairly.

    The more women that step up to the task, the more we move toward a society of equal valuing and gender fairness.

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  28. A friend said you were an interesting woman. She was right.

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  29. It's not that you have a hard time wrapping your head around what feminists believe. After all there's plenty of nutcase cults out there. What you can't wrap your head around is how easily the feminists have got everyone else to go along with their tripe.

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Commenting policy:

All comments are welcome here. I refuse to censor points of view that differ from my own.

I recognize that I may be challenging the deep-seated beliefs of some people, and perhaps stirring up emotions in others. However, I would ask:

- if you care to respond to anything that I have said, please do not simply link to or quote some statistic. Do not simply regurgitate things you have been told are true. Think about what I am saying. Respond with an argument. Offer something from your personal observations, and explain to me how you feel your statistic is connected to your experience.

- If you wish to be part of a discussion, try not to dismiss what I or a another commenter says out of hand. Yes, that means that some lines of thought or ideologies may not stand up to scrutiny (perhaps even my own).

- Remember, ad hominem attacks diminish everyone involved. If you want to criticize anything, do so passionately and directly - but debate is about attacking ideas, not people.

Have at you!